Real Girl Next Door by Denise Richards

Author:Denise Richards
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Gallery Books
Published: 2011-03-25T16:00:00+00:00

PART SIX

Plan B

1

THERE’S LIFE AS we imagine, fantasize, and hope it will turn out, and then there’s real life, which is a constant exercise in dealing with unforeseen problems, fixing mistakes, regrouping, putting pieces back together, and turning to Plan B. Real life is made up of Plan Bs. Ask any parent who’s planned an outing or a vacation only to have a child throw up and run a 103-degree fever an hour before you’re scheduled to leave. That’s when you go to Plan B. The same is true when you break off a relationship, stare into the mirror that first Saturday night alone, and ask yourself, “Now what?” Or you might be one of those office workers who share in a multimillion-dollar lottery superprize and don’t need to work anymore. That’s also a Plan B. I’m not advocating giving up dreams and fantasies. No, far from it. But it helps to recognize that the best-intentioned plans don’t always work out the way you want. Life rarely works out the way we want, and that’s when we turn to Plan B. A rainstorm in the middle of a family camping trip requires us to check into a nearby motel. That’s Plan B. I remember the motels from my childhood as much as, if not more than, the camping trips they washed out. Those Plan Bs are what provide the fun, adventure, learning, growth, and wisdom. All of us have our own variations, or our stories, and if you’re anything like me, you have your own example of trying to forestall the obvious need to turn to a Plan B. In my case, I didn’t want to think of my marriage as over.

Although deep down I realized the finality, I spent days and nights wondering how Charlie and I had reached this point. Blame wasn’t part of the equation. I loved him. He was the father of my children. It made me incredibly sad to think of where we were in our relationship, and I wished we could turn the clock back. I held on to hope that it wasn’t over. I walked on eggshells, avoiding my husband, wishing the problems would magically disappear and we would go back to those bliss-filled days when we were newlyweds.

But we didn’t, and I started to not feel like myself. Dark clouds filled the sky. I felt confused, angry, and hopeless. I’m normally a social person. I love having friends over to the house. I love to entertain. It doesn’t have to be formal. My favorite times are when a girlfriend will drop by for coffee and we’ll spend a few hours catching up. But I found myself declining invitations, avoiding calls, and closing myself off at home. I had a convenient excuse: I was busy with Sam, now nearly one, and I was almost six months pregnant.

When things aren’t right in a relationship (or at work), it can change you in ways you don’t necessarily like, but don’t have the wherewithal to fix, and that was happening to me.

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